Relationships with a narcissist: dangers, signs and ways to distance yourself

Narcissists often live a double life

In recent years, the term "daffodil" has become widely used in everyday language. People often use it to describe anyone who behaves selfishly, has no empathy for others or causes conflict. However, this is a misconception. Not everyone who shows selfish behavior or who fails to show empathy in certain situations is a narcissist. It is essential to distinguish between simple selfishness and true narcissism^[1].

A true narcissist is not a person who sometimes behaves selfishly but a person with a narcissistic personality disorder. This condition is recognized as a psychological disorder. A narcissist is characterized by deeper and more stable behavioral traits that shape his or her relationships with other people. They have a distorted view of themselves and others; their main goal is to feel superior and in control.

A relationship with a true narcissist often begins as a dream love story. The narcissist initially demonstrates affection, caring and extreme attentiveness. However, this "honeymoon" does not last long. After this enviable phase, the true face of the narcissist begins to emerge - manipulation, emotional pressure, and control. Understanding the principles of narcissistic behavior is the first step toward freedom from toxic relationships.

Narcissus always seeks more than one "source" - someone who gives him attention, affection or financial gain. As a result, Narcissists often live a double life, having emotional or even physical relationships with other people behind their partner's back. The reason for this behavior is their constant feeling of inner emptiness, which they try to fill with external stimuli.

Narcissists cannot live without constant attention, validation and emotional stimulation. They feel empty if no one praises or gives them emotional energy. Therefore, they look for new sources behind the back of their current partner. This could be new partners, flirting with colleagues or even anonymous connections on social networks.

This behavior is not accidental - it stems from the narcissist's inability to make deep, meaningful emotional connections. They fear being isolated from others because their self-esteem depends on external approval. They seek excitement and novelty because they find stability boring. As a result, narcissists are often involved in romantic or financial adventures, and their actions often lead to conflicts or even problems with the law.

The partner is often unaware of the narcissist's double life because narcissists are excellent liars and manipulators. They use various methods to hide their behavior - lying about where they are, where they are going, and what they are doing. If a partner becomes suspicious, the narcissist will accuse the partner of paranoia, exaggerated jealousy or present "evidence" that supposedly disproves the suspicions.

The constant search for partners - why does the narcissist never stop?

One of the main needs of a narcissist is always to have a "backup." The narcissist understands that his current partner will sooner or later catch on to his manipulations. Therefore, before the relationship reaches a critical point, he starts looking for another "victim". This could be a work colleague, a social networking friend or even a stranger on a dating platform^[2].

This process is known as "pasture hunting" - the narcissist is looking for new "green grass" where he can once again show his charm and be a "hero". Narcissists know that the beginning will always be easier with a new person because the new partner does not yet know their manipulation methods.

This behavior prevents the narcissist from building a stable and healthy partnership. They constantly move from one relationship to the next, leaving behind shattered lives, broken relationships and psychological trauma for their partners. The new partner becomes another victim who will suffer the same fate after a while.

Narcissist knows how to manipulate promises and keep you waiting

One of the most effective tools of the narcissist is the game of pledges. A narcissist promises but never delivers. They keep talking about "the future", "change" and "a better life", but these promises are never fulfilled. This approach works well because the partner lives in anticipation, hoping that "maybe this time things will be different".

When the partner starts demanding that promises be kept, the narcissist begins to play along with the methods that work so well:

• Denial of the promise - "I never promised that" or "You misunderstood me".
• Postponing the promise - "I'll do it, but later. Now is not the time".
• Blame shifting - "You're stopping me from doing it" or "If you weren't like this, I would have done it a long time ago".

The narcissist's partner constantly feels like a "mouse running after cheese". The partner believes that patience and perseverance will bring results. Unfortunately, the narcissist never had any intention of keeping his promises - it was just a control tool.

Lack of empathy and loss of morals are apparent traits of a narcissist

Narcissists have no idea what morality, conscience or justice are. Their actions are based solely on personal gain and pleasure. They do not care about other people's feelings or consequences.

For narcissists, everything is a means to an end, whether it is lying, betrayal, deceit or exploiting others.

Many partners expect the narcissist to "wake up" or "see the error of their ways". However, the narcissist does not have these abilities. They are the center of their world. Even when they know that their actions are harming others, they do not try to change because they are only concerned with their own comfort.

Divorce is the only path to freedom and happiness

Many people stay in a relationship with a narcissist because they are afraid of the pain of separation. But the truth is that the pain of being with a narcissist is permanent. Understanding that the narcissist will never change is the key moment to start the process of freedom.

A relationship with a narcissist is a trap that the narcissist skillfully weaves around his partner. He manipulates promises, plays on feelings, and hides his true intentions. 

Breaking away from a narcissist takes courage, but it is a necessary step to reclaim your life. First of all, it must be acknowledged that a narcissist will never change. Next, it is essential to set clear boundaries - to cut off all contact to prevent the narcissist from coming back into your life.

Seek support - friends, family members, psychologists or lawyers can help you develop a strategy to separate from the narcissist. This is especially important if you have children or financial commitments in common. You can expect peace of mind and emotional stability only when there are clear boundaries.